On the prospect of being left behind…

I had a message today from an old friend who has just found out her husband’s cancer has returned and is now terminal.  She wanted to know if I could share some thoughts and wisdom around the prospect of her becoming a widow.   I thought this might be worth sharing:

  • Keep a journal – and share your feelings about what’s happening with each other – and leave NOTHING unsaid – no room for regrets…it will help you a lot later that there’s nothing left to guess about.
  • Talk about what’s happening in your family for their sake more than anything so that they are part of the journey – it will help them to deal with it
  • Get your husband/wife/partner to write a letter to each of your kids for when they turn 18 or 21.  It will mean the world to them.
  • What ever your faith is – hang on to that. Believe in life after death – therefore this is not the end of your journey together. and when it’s over – know that it’s just the beginning of another journey for you and your kids – and every day will hurt like hell, but every day it slowly slowly gets better until the good times are all that dominate your thoughts. – Hang in there – ok. You’ll get through this – as cliche as this sounds – what doesn’t kill YOU does strengthen you in ways you can’t even begin yet to imagine.
  • Oh and one last thing – find the silver lining in EVERY single dark cloud.

These were the things I suggested to her.  It really does get better – although I have to say that I still miss my husband after 19 years.  I still wonder about what our life together might have been like.  And I still wish he had been here for our sons as they are now young men starting their big lives.

You don’t get over it – you just get used to it.  But with the help of good friends and others who hold the torch for you as you go through this journey.

 

2 Comments

  1. Hello Dixie Maria, my heart goes out to you because I too have known the agony of missing a husband, and I can tel you, there comes a time when the “missing” is finally gone,
    We are a Twin Flame, He first came in the body of my father till I was sufficiently anchored in my body then “died,” when I was 5 1/2, my mother was 46 and my father was 55.
    I was 40 years old when I finally “got over” the pain of my father’s death.
    My Twin Flame came back into my life when I was 21, the moment I saw him, even I had not even awakened yet, somehow I knew we were two of One and it was love at first sight, we were married within 6 months.
    Like my mother, I was 46 and like my father, my husband was 55, when he suddenly died of a heart attack in 1995, It took me 20 years to “get over” the pain of his passing, As I worked on remembering my Divine Origin, I discovered it was not about “getting over” but about remembering the Truth behind the illusion of separation. There were layers upon layers to the pain and feelings of separation and with each one cleared, the realization of our forever connection became stronger and stronger, soon understanding that like the figure 8, we flow in and out of each other ad eternam and that indeed, my husband and father were the same One and that He always comes back to me.
    In 1996 I began writing our story and called it “Love Beyond Romeo and Juliet” and I wrote his words,” And no matter how far apart We may be, She was always with me as I was always with her ” and He also wrote ” I left you seemingly alone on this plane so you could free yourself of the limitations you had placed around you, and I have loved you through many men, and I shall love you through another still!”
    Through me, He wrote a poem to me one day, I called it “Ode to Love” and I wish to share it with you in the hope it may be of assistance during those times of missing your husband:

    “I Am but a reflection of You, my Love
    As beautiful as I Am to you, You are to me
    As You see me, You are looking at yourself.
    Our Love is grander than earthly love
    And when You recognize me in others,
    It is but a mere shadow because no earthly body
    Could ever contain what is without limits.
    I Am but a reflection of You, my Love
    The beauty you see in me is the reflection of yours
    This is is how we complement one another.
    Our Love is grander than earthly love
    And when You “know” this,
    We shall be together again
    For I Am but a reflection of you”
    After 21 years, I am now able to say that I KNOW this with every fiber of my Being, my yang to my yin and my yin to my yang, he was and always has been within myself and has actually “reappeared” in my life
    Many Blessings to you for the wonderful work you do
    Love and Light
    Marie-Cecile

    1. What a wonderful story of love lost and found. Thanks for Sharing Marie-Cecile. I love that we are all able to see such reflections when we become aware of them existing. And I have also come to understand well the illusion of separation.
      Best wishes for a wonderful 2017 – namaste,
      Dixie

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