Today I went to watch the sunrise from the beach, and have breakfast with my lovely friend Julie Cross. Like me, Julie is a widow with young sons – and like me, she talks to a lot of other young widows. We feel it’s important to share the light and pass the torch to those of us still struggling with this weird world of widowhood. (Yes even a dozen or so years on and it’s still a weird world).
We were blessed to see dolphins just a few metres offshore today – that was a blessing, but for me a particularly big deal. You see, I’d been working through some thoughts about what to do with my gifts, and having had a firm nudge lately to share more of my psychic gifts with others, I had specially asked my guides this morning as I wa driving up to the beach to please give me a sign to help with some clarity and intentions about this issue, and I asked for the sign to be a sighting of dolphins. I specifically said, please send me dolphins today.
I later found out from another friend – a newly widowed lady named Tessa – that in the 2+ years since she moved to live in that particular spot, right on the beach, that she’s never seen dolphins there before. Wow! I was feeling very blessed indeed when I learned that.
I mentioned Julie, not just because she is a lovely friend who also happens to be a widow, but because Julie is a lady who is big on signs. Feathers are her ‘thing’. Mine too, but perhaps to a lesser extent. Julie finds feathers on a daily basis, and always at times and in places where she knows for sure they are sent to her by either her late husband and/or her guides. As we were talking about ‘things’ it finally dawned on me that helping other widows is how I most want to use my gifts. And there it was. The words fell out of my mouth, the signs were there, and the people present were all perfectly aligned with my intentions at the start of the day. And it felt right.
The thing with signs is that they are truly everywhere if you know how to spot them. From the song on the radio, to the feathers at your feet, to the people who come into your life – these are all far from co-incidence. The guidance sought is often sent to you as signs. Signs as physical manifestations, ideas in your head that seem to come out of ‘nowhere’ but are ‘perfect’ at the time, and in many cases we may find a guardian angel in our path with a comment, helpfulness, or special care for us on any given day, in any given moment, and always just exactly when we need it.
Next time you are unsure about signs, and have a decision to make or something to work through, as for a sign. Then look for it. Be aware that sometimes it may even be a little more subtle than dolphins or feathers. But you’ll know it for what it is when you are tuned into to see/hear/feel it.
The Blue Flames 
Hi I’m a recent widow of 6 months now. I’m
30…I was 29 the day my husband died, he was also 29…we were coming up on our 3 year wedding anniversary in January. This road has been so difficult on me. Mike my husband was a disabled veteran who suffered with OCD and when we got married I became a housewife and took care of him everyday. We have no children but 2014 was going to be the year we start trying. Mike died December 9th 2013…I found him dead in the livingroom. It turned out he had taken street drugs to compensate for the fact the VA didn’t send his anxiety medication to him in time. He was without the necessary drugs he needed to function on a daily bases and I had started to see signs of withdrawal. We had a screaming match with his doctor that Thursday and was told he’d have the pills out to my husband the next day…the damn pills didn’t show up until he was already found dead and his body was removed from my house. I’ve been in a state of shock these past 6 months…I’m kind if grieving I’m in therapy for my own mental disorder plus I have a support group of friends and close family but the funeral was delayed because Mike wanted to be cremated and with the winter we had in NY his funeral is this Friday June 13th…I’m going crazy I have all these thoughts and emotions that I just can’t deal with…I’m so lost without him. I need some help.
Diane
HI Diane,
my first thoughts on reading this from you is that wow, that’s a helluva long time to wait for a funeral. The funeral is often the part that gives us a point of reference for the dead of a loved one, where we not only get to deal with some of the actual SHOCK factor – especially when it’s an unexpected death – but also it gives us an opportunity to celebrate their lives. Your not having been able to get past this ‘no-mans-land’ of the grief process is just awful. My heart goes out to you and sincere wishes for comfort and love. These feelings of loss – the sheer emptiness you feel right now is a natural part of your situation – how you feel, the anger, and the anxiety – I’m telling you it’s a normal part of widowhood with the hope that you understand that this is part of a process that DOES GET BETTER. It WILL pass, and you will look back on this stage, and many others, with a lot of feelings, both good and bad about what you are currently feeling.
So here’s some practical help.
1) Every night before you go to bed, plan ONE SMALL THING to look forward to about the next day. It might be ANYthing. From treating yourself to a walk, buying yourself something (a block of chocolate or a movie ticket. Anything) Treat yourself to ONE thing that will make you smile – even if it’s only on the inside for now. that’s how you start to get through one day at a time.
2) Get yourself a journal, or set on up on line, and write or draw everything you are feeling. If you can’t draw, buy some crayons and just put colours on the page. Write a caption on waht you draw. Write about how pissed off you are feeling. Write about something wonderful you remember about Mike. Write a letter to him. Just let your feelings start to come out through your fingers onto a paper somehow.
3) Talk to another widow – especially someone young – if you can’t find one, you can write some more or talk to me ok.
4) Make a plan now for what you will do and where you will go for Christmas. Maybe you’ll make 100 plans and screw each one up – but make a plan every day. Until you find one that you can live wiht and look forward to.
5) Remember this – please remember this… What you are feeling now, what you are gonig through, how devastated you feel WILL get better.
I can say that with absolute surety – because someone once said ti to me, and we all say it to each other. This is a hell you just have to be prepared to cry your way through. I used to be so surprised that so much water (tears) could physically come out of my body with such regularity.
6) when you manage to get out of bed tomrrow (and every day) set a time that you will make yourself get up and dressed by – every day, no matter what. Don’t break that rule for yourself. Just do it, and when you do, every day take a couple of deep breaths and talk to Mike for a few minutes. Ask him to help you get through the day. He will, and he will let you know he’s there. HE WILL do this. Whether it’s a feeling, a smell, a song on the radio, or a goosebumps down your back, or an unexpected something related to a dog in a park… somehow he WILL let you know he’s there to support and help you ok.
Mikes love for you did not end with his physical death. He will not want you to suffer this way. And you can’t join him yet… ok. If that wer the case, you would not still be here – you have to let time work with you to deal with this. Widowhood is not somethign you ‘get over’ you simply allow it to shape you a little. One day you wake up and find you are actually able to count more than days, weeks, months… and you know yourself in a new way.
Please read and reread the above – and remember there are people who care and want to help you. Congratulations on venting today. Do it again tomorrow – and the next day… just do WHAT EVER you need to day by day to get through this.
Big hugs,
Maria